weird alchemy

feeling a weird collision of energies this morning

internally

seeing things even more clearer

like more pieces to the puzzle

the term past life comes up a lot and i feel like i am experiecing a past life in this current reality

but its not from another physical life,

its dying and coming back to life

creating a new life

new perspectives bringing clarity to the past

creating the story

being confused and uncertain and in the dark for what feels like a long time

lol part of me wonders

like i see life in a certain way

i live my life in a certain way

certain things feel good for me and not and some are unique some are normal but its strange being raised in a society that thrives on left or right

and instances like flip around and are jumbled and confused

whats right and whats wrong

for me, for others

boundaries

and learning others ways of life

like the differences in the individual

letting these shifts happen are uncomfortable af lol

like big time

staying conscious enough to protect yourself, be aware of thoughts before spiral, but aware of the energies you are encountering also, as a means to not place blame solely on self lol or get lost in the depths of the illusion of self

its a balancing act

i put BREATHE in my day planner on my phone for every hour of every day lol

feels like im in 2 different worlds lol

saw a reel talking about how all these labels for mental illnesses are actually just spiritual gifts lol

i resonate lol

looking at the bigger picture of life of things

seeing how the news will play up daily on shit that has been declining for decades - like money, housing crisis

lol its like every day is a new disaster and yet when you pull yourself out and see its like

no actually we have been declining for a while and now its just to a point where people are actually really feeling it lol

its like those structures in our minds

the lack

its programmed

since we were young

and for generations

to create and conjure fear

the instability is external

weve lived in fear for many years and i feel like only until 1900s we just started really luxuriating domestication

house wives

like what was before wenches?? lolol

like its been some pretty intense shifts for human consciousness

and its not stopping

everything feels so new or expansive

that its hard to grasp and probably cant be consciously but thats what im feeling

the trauma is old

the habits and beliefs, mannerisms, way of being, have been imbedded within our dna and cellular structure for generations

its is not all ours and it doesnt all make sense

buts its a real thing

its our ancestry

how we are connected to this earth

the story of our lives lol

and it like recreates itself

generationally

some form of “entity”

plaguing the blood line

and it will continue to form until it is discovered

and then like you get on your dragon and slay that mother fucker

lol like its a legit thing LOL

laughing brb

but we can take our strength back from our family lines when we slay those demons

and by that i mean instead of looking back in shame and peril

we look back strong to see what they went through and our own feelings of strength kinda form where we see that we have altered the path in a positive direction

its gratitude for coming from where you come from

and i think it has to do with raising our frequencies

and bringing belief back to self also

what i feel has been black or white thinking

is shifting into grey

perhaps collectively

but for myself i know that to be true

and shfiting into that grey is creating like this burning of old energetic patterns and beliefs that have been carried energetically for a long time, ancestrally im finding and lots societally too

but to find that core frequency of self

for you

what does that look like

feel like

act like

be like

live like

your true essense of liek who you are

and thats where the ego has created defense mechanisms

because the parts of you that are hidden

to keep them safe

they are the parts of you that were deeply hurt in the past

these are soul fragments

parts of our soul that have been chipped away through life due to self preservation

and with integrating these soul fragments we return to wholeness and we can kinda release the defense mechanism because what used to be shame hiding these parts away

has the capacity to welcome in that amount of love in its place

and it happens through out life, expanding consciousness

its alchemy

energy transmutation

meaning of life lol

its a cool time to be alive which does balance the scales on how emotionally charged it is lol

but at the same time its for a reason

and like when i was in school still middle school maybe i really started to love astrology and got really into my birth chart and it helped me see myself

and i feel like my love for astrology has obviously shifted and evolved and my respect has grown much greater too where i can see externally of myself now

the impact the power

the magnetism

the expanse of what this universe is

like i cant comprehend it or explain with any amount of words but its like

falling in love

connecting super deeply with someone

seeing a mountain range

smelling a flower

or where you go full 5d and just play in astral realms and its like what even is life anymore

lol like its so weird

and big the meaning is like just be a good inhabitant of this earth and do your best

whatever that is

do it great

lol my grampy had a poem he used to say it was about a tree and a shrub lol ill paste it below, its not verbatem but close lol

If you can't be a pine at the top of the hill, be a shrub in the valley. Be be the best little shrub on the side of the hill.

Be a bush if you can't be a tree. If you can't be a highway, just be a trail. If you can't be a sun, be a star. For it isn't by size that you win or fail. Be the best of whatever you are.

lol finding the vision holding the vision

being at frequency of vision lol

having a calmer expereince with emotions

being able to trust my own self to be there for me

i see how every experience kinda lead up to all this

i feel detached but more able to invest where necessary now energetically i can be more choosy

definitely a lot of unknown circumstances cause disociation and like anxiety and feeling weird and not knowing why

like its really something i enjoy learning about

connection of it all

such a weird thing

now its looking into the abyss lol

dang

being my own person lol individuation

at 30 lol

figuring myself out which is cool lol

that is all

oo