pheonixing

i feel like its so weird to like transform

through life

to have one identity and to have it fall

for the new one

sometimes it feels empowering and other times it feels like everything falls and youre left in a barren wasteland of burning shit lol

these bridges trailed behind me all burnt

they all go away through the transformation like the facade the thing that was built the big house the family the life the friends, like it all is just seen for what it is

because the chains that binded are no longer there maybe im not sure

and theres a feeling of starting over

im starting to think i have never truly started over before

i know thats not true but

or this is a big one lol

like me graduating lol

finally

because really

its just you at the end, well me right now

of the battle

to transform

feels like im just standing here

standing after what feels like a crazy battle

internally

truly in my own energy

felt like a long time being lost and disconnected

its been like a long time of feeling that way

but i feel reborn again in life

what i’ve been nurturing

is for me this time around

chasing the idea of something is of the past

attracting my reality from now on

deep limerence, jealousy and lust being transformed

feeling as though im alone but thats where i need to be lol

to unpack these long lost hopes and dreams that little me always wanted

i finally feel peace and calm inside

after a lifetime of like running consistently

i met the part of me that needed me most

the anxiety has lifted

i dont feel like i have to fit in a box anymore

which feels cool too because i feel kinda formless and like im learning new boundaries for this new self

learning these edges

its relieving

and now is the way forward in making choices that fit this new woman i am becoming

shiiiiiiit

lol

xx