lying and claircognizance

lol now this turned into a rant so i wanted to do a little pre warning

this is a rant about my own divine reasoning behind lying and relationships

how our nervous system is evolving from having fight or flight regarding tigers chasing us

to now we have to be aware of our hearts being broken lol

im learning how to write in a way that can connect and im working on my i/you and we placements lol

just felt called to vent my own wisdom on these personal findings - raw footage lol

i’ve been working through this sort of veil for my last 30 years lol what feels like my whole life, actually though

even weirder when i can see my ancestors lives mirror my own in these learnings

this veil of masks and disconnect

i feel what this veil is is the veil between the conscious mind and the subconscious mind

what we “know” in our conscious

to what we are unconscious to - shadow - in our subconscious mind

(the mind that runs 95% of your life, the conscious mind you use to think with everyday with, only knows 5%)

lol so let that sink in, ill do a blog about that here soon

where the uncertain feeling comes from when you are being lied to

these masks and lies ive lived around

i think everyone has them and deals with them

a mask to be cool or to fit in

to make ourselves look a certain way

ego defense mechanisms

well they seem all fine and dandy - harmless is the word

until you put trust into a situtaion

trust that what someone is saying

is the truth

i mean a simple concept and yet these masks appear everywhere

they can have good intentions

but the results are never good

this can be in all relations, even acquaintances,

with familial situations

growing up when we feel something is wrong

but are told its fine

thats a mask

hiding behind the mask

is the problem being felt, or the uncertainty

in childhood that’s the first time we disconnect and dissociate from the body

because we are told “everythings fine” so we disconnect what we feel and deem as normal

and so what that tells our little brains as we grow up

that that situation, feeling, inclining, why is this happening

oh well its fine..this is NORMAL to feel uneasy or uncertain that’s FINE lol

no it isnt, that is gaslighting

we have all been gaslit

and the sad truth is

well not everyone wants to deal with their fucking problems lol

and we are just now learning how to express emotions

and even communicate about them

or understand our own emotions in our bodies

if we were not taught

to correctly define what emotion we are feeling

or to learn how to describe said emotion

its really just a big mountain of a bunch of different little emotions on a level ground of numbness

when disconnected from the body

because these emotions are so jumbled and knotted from neglect

EMOTIONS - energy in motion ^ that is stagnant energy

we have energy centers and channels, meridians, all through out our bodies

the nervous system carries this energy

they create little tingles, pains, pleasures

this is our body talking to us

its telling us what it wants

this energy can build up in these channels

it causes DIS-EASE

this disease in the body

is from not living in alignment with our own energetic flow

having stagnant energy built up in the bodies

we are out of alignment in disease

and that causes shit to build energetically all throughout your body,

it can cause depression, anxiety, it can cause a multitude of different symptoms

all these big names

because of an energetic transference lol with being out of alignment

its like a glitch or block in the reality of us and where we wanna be

energetically-emotionally

and this is personal expereince for me

dealing with trusting your gut when the “situation” is telling you otherwise

and my desire to know more lol

but yeah dealing with that

it creates a lot of mental trauma

like a lot - because you cant piece the puzzle together

you dont know where things go

and things are everywhere

its like wait

but you said this and that is like this

and its not piecing

& i can see in my own journey

you know you’re in a mood in a relationship

and you got shit going on inside

but the voice inside your head is telling you

“no, i dont feel comfortable, no its embarrassing i dont want to talk about it, i dont want to say that it feels weird, ill just bottle this up”

so we either dont talk about it, and thats a whole other blog post on self sabotage and how it festers

or

we do and we push through that uncomfortable feeling

and things loosen up and get easier

and for me, ive felt that - lots on both sides

but you wanna know whats worse than the feeling of pushing through discomfort

THE ACHING AGONY OF KNOWING YOU COULDVE DONE MORE

especially with heart break

its like fuck if i couldve only done that thing things would be different

it ate me up for years

i let it eat me up (BECAUSE I KNEW I COULDVE DONE BETTER - i didnt listen to the voice)

so it would eat up whatever the fuck was holding my voice inside me

and its a lot easier now

but with that new found knowledge of oh yay this is easy just to be honest lol all the fucking time and maybe look like a weirdo at times but feel good - do that

well im realizing it takes a lot of courage

there’s been situations in my life where i have been on either side

and i get it

but one thing i wanna talk about today

is the divine reasoning behind these experiences because they suck to go through

that feeling of why do i feel like this when the world is telling me otherwise

and i say world but it can be with a person, thing, anything

and its like why

well one way to look at these things is

1. whatever you lose in any situation if detached from and release any energetic charge - WILL be returned IF MEANT TO BE IN YOUR LIFE

   this can be money, love, jobs, people, anything - but you have to make peace with the detach, fully (if you love it let it go)

2. and it is an opportunity to learn to trust your own guidance

which is like sadistic lol to me right (holistic hedonist)

where im just like i dont want to want to feel bad feelings - please and thanks lol

well too bad and the alchemy in it has created a pain eating monster inside of me

lol

but yeah the one thing we can lean on and trust is that feeling

that feeling of something isnt right here

with CPTSD - it can be tough because we are already in high alert around home settings due to trauma and so that voice is hurting and can ramp up at times it doesnt need to (when theres no danger). but with healing, that also can subside and we can now work with a calm and connected nervous system

and wheni say healing i mean feeling the emotions that are trapped in the nervous system causing these uneasy reactions and processing the experience

when we are in situations where we feel uneasy, like something is happening behind the scenes

i guess this is where anxiety is actually a super power because it really strengthens your knowing lol

because your intuition was bumping early on and now you just gotta strengthen its power in the right direction lol

learn what those energies are trying to tell you

connect the subconscious with the conscious mind and body together

i personally feel like

like the only reason why you wouldnt trust it if it feels uncomfortable, is because the offer sounds better than the feeling inside - thats ego talking

egos like but i want it like this in this way lol

lol its like okay i know this isnt the right place for me right now

buuuuuutttt

im just gunna try it out anyways lol

usually a wound that is being sauved by the relationship or connection

so its like - but i like this feeling because then i dont have to fix anything i can just cover this wound without dealing with it

but its a codependent relationship then lol

and it is bevcause that wound is gunna get real used to having something over it lol

and when we try to remove that its like no put that back - and these feelings come up you know

its all an alchemical process and then inside the body and brain too in these situations and thats why its so hard to let go

because this connection to ourselves that we lost a long time ago has gotten used to outsourcing healing from others

lol its like an addiction in and of itself

its this leviathan energy

the insatiable hunger

itll come out lol and fucken nip ya

telling you to get back in line and trust yourself lol dont do that again

you know

how many times do you have to be hurt by anyone

to learn energetic boundaries

well with trauma it can take 30 years lol even longer sometimes

its like ive found this undying yearning that ive had to be accepted my whole life after this saturn return

and now i see that i dont fucking want to be accepted by anyone lol fuck em

everybody sucks, and if youre gunna hide the fact that you suck

lol well

i can see it

and wanna know why i can see it

because i see those the sides of me that suck too lol so why - but thats life lol

still trying to figure the meaning of it but i guess that may very well be my last day lol so until then i just wonder about it all lol

so its like this lying in relationships and i dont mean okay you told a lie and then came clean, or made a mistake and came clean

im talking like hiding shit and harboring knowledge on yourself or about the relationship - control and manipulation

that shit causes trauma and damage to whoever you are doing it to

mental, emotional manipulation and abuse

dont deny it either - we can all be placed in a situation where it feels like were up against a wall

i think were still naive to the ways in which how our power as a person can cause irreparable damage to a persons psyche from not being in energetic alignment lol i guess that’s forgiveness?

BUT!!!!!

it can be in moments of extreme trauma

fear

pain

sadness

tremendous emotions

because relationships bring up so much about your inner child

thats usually when we lie about things, it brings us back to our survival instincts in childhood

and it can be so minute at the time

it can be as simple as “i’m fine”

the classic line when you dont wanna open up about your feelings

its like the person KNOWS there’s something going on

but to not open up

breaks trust

it breaks the connection of feelings and emotions that you have conencted together

then to see the other side its like okay well are there healthy boundaries in place to be able to express these issues

that SHOULD lol hate that word but like that should be number one

be able to be yourself in relationships fully accepted

and its hard in codependent relationships because we abandon ourself for love

and then that ultimately (energetically) leads to the other person abandoning us in some way in the relationship

and then the relationship feeling stressed because we aren’t our whole selves

you know its a cycle

its vicious if gone unnoticed

having these energetic boundaries in place within myself

is something i just woke up to

i saw it plain as day just spell it out for me

and it was shocking

talk about awakening

then so much poured out after that you know its crazy all the shit LOVE brings up

and what a concept love is

like expanded af

the groundwork or framework to the entire relationship is feeling out a persons energetic baseline

and in these instances of building relationship foundations

i would hope one wants to be as honest as possible

not only in the beginning but through out

and to do that, we have to be whole in ourselves

and like there’s no positive or negative to this

its neutral

its how it is

but like to experrience these aspects of self

we have to experience the other energetic frequency we are encountering

and its hard but….

like be honest everyone

it may suck to tell the truth every now and then

but it sure saves YOUR psyche in the long run

because that shit comes back around

it comes back like any karma would

the mind games start to fuck with you after the relationship ends

once the cords are cut

the energy is sent back

and thats why we should always treat others the way we wanna be treated

cause that’s where forgiveness comes into play lol

its a whole thing

atleast thats the best case scenario

so after that tangent lol

coming back around to the purpose of this blog post is that how does one strengthen their knowing (claircognizance)

well in my experience

its usually the hardest way imaginable lol

great loss and suffering

this martyr in me was tough to kill lol it might still be alive i dont know for sure, its twitching and bleeding in a corner right now lolol

it sucks but its true

but go back, dig around lol find some golden nuggets of informations

back log your relationships

when did you feel this way

when did you feel like damn

something isnt right here

codependency is the killer for this one

because in these moments we can feel like but

WHATS GUNNA HAPPEN TO ME IF I LET GO

abandonment all the shit comes up and its just hard to manage what the stress of the relationship is on your shoulders and then having to choose to focus on yourself when you’re most likely already in a self abandonment mode for this codependent realtiosnhip it can feel like drowning

its confusing af but you will come to a place where you have broken your heart open

and i think that’s when you really lean on a higher power

or its intended to

its what happened to me

i stopped clinging to people outside of me that were bringing me down and not lifting me back up again

when you put all your focus and intention on external forces

they can leave

they can lie

they can fuck you over

lol and all of those if you control

fucks the whole energetics up of a situation

it creates weird dynamics where energy isnt flowing in alignment

its just unfortunately true

and to be able to release control we have to trust

ourselves, something that will not waiver

in times of need

thats us usually

and when you can rely on your own inner compass

thats true power

thats strength

internally

thats shit once you got - people can try and take

but it will always be inherintly inside of you

and thats something im very grateful for in my life is my self preservation and how i’ve had multiple experiences in my life where i have had to protect myself by myself with myself - alchemy lol

and be careful..

because people talk

lol actions speak louder

and it will give you so much more insight on whats actuallly going on behind the scenes

feel that shit

and trust that feeling

reardless of what people say

trust yourself

and that doesnt mean you gotta be a dick

just remove yourself

let god handle the rest

work on yourself

you are worthy of focusing and paying attention to yourself

building your life

everyone else has their own job of building their life, we can be a beacon of hope to what can be accomplished through taking responsibility for our own shit

but we are not here to do the work for others

they must do their own work

because it is their path

you cannot force anyone to see your side of things

you gotta let time do that and usually distance too

cord cutting

and thats time

do you wanna sit and wait

or go and live

you know

its tough

its happened to me a lot

where you are talking to someone and you can just feel the energy shift

it can be even with someone on the street

something switches and you can feel it

like its a noticable shift even in the moment of conversation where the connection drops and something happens either within the other person or you and its so fast that sometimes its like okay what happened

and i guess my desire to understand what

and its like a warning

like oh….something aint right here or the energy just shifted

and utilizing our nervous system for its desired intention IN THIS DAY AND AGE lol

we aint chasing tigers anymore, we chasing liars and cheaters LOL

just noticed i put chasing tigers..lol

so yeah, protect your heart

lean on god

god is the most powerful best friend lol pick whatever god you want

its like reminding me of the dog/god thing lol

be like your dog

some form of higher deity that you resonate with and follow their lead

pick any mentor you want

like there’s this dark cloud held over the -ology of what this world actually is

its like okay we got some people believing in orks and hobits and shit

and then we got some people believing in like a white bearded god lol

some people shit in litter boxes lol

we got a whole wack of shit going on in the belief department lol because they’re personal beliefs

they feel good to us like its a good feeling lol

and all it is is creativity

being passed down the telephone line

through what??

thousands of fucking years

but what if we believed like all the good stuff too lol

lol

like

does anyone else think thats funny lol

so yeah…. lean on god

fuck everyone else if youre in a spell of shit

lean on yourself

and trust yourself

its the way to freedom lol

lol still ranting

…

end of rant lol

and to end it on a positive note!!!

the feeling of being able to walk away from any situtation strongly and confidently that you don’t feel right in

knowing you have done everything in your power to make things work,

that inner strength, and trusting your own knowing even when everything else is telling you to believe otehrwisee

will be the catalyst to true transofmration inside of you

you will find truth

and it will be inside of you

and hold onto that strength

because that is not just you holding onto your truth - the truth of an inherent worthiness to safety and trust might i add, especially in your closest relationships

you got a ton of spiritual loving energy also holding onto that with you - its, you guides, your purpose here on earth

you really matter

you do bring light to this world and people need it

so shine it more

take up space, hold your own, and you’ll get to where you wanna go

be more like your dog

oo