energy and how we view the world

interesting this morning i was thinking about energy centers

how we manifest

our power

and usually i feel this in my solar plexus

its my go energy

and i was unaware of these leaks i had in my own personal power

i hadnt seen clearly what my energy could do to my view on the world

or what these energetic wounds can do to what we see

what we accept, how we view people

and how multidimensional it is throughout our lives

starting to understand where i place my creative energy

its the desire energy, passion

i didnt even know the power it carried

nor how i was using it or how it was being perceieved

the mars energy of me

i was never taught or aware

its what im coming in to learning right now

where i place my creative expansive energy

i had never understood how to utilize it because i was taught that for safety i give my energy away in exchange for safety

i dont know if other people feel this way i imagine some

but i learnt this habit

of being out of alignment

and this is a fractal in life created in different situations and scenarios

its all unique to the individual

but

we all deal with it

every single person on earth

and so it skewed my view of myself

and how i view my life

i wasnt using my energy correctly

unaware

looking at our ancestry

learning about how our families lived

these generational things we are going through and have no idea where the connection lies

its in the family

its in the ancestry line

how we turn that inwards is our magic

im learning this

right now

these energies and gifts we have

we can be trapped in weird narcisitic / empathic connections with

and this is INTERNALLY

this is within us

where we have “past life” trauma

from our ancestors

is where i gain this knowledge from

and it gets projected externally

its things that our familys went through and hadnt healed and now we are dealing with it in this life

how easy life would be if we knew these key facts of our familys history

shame has overcame our power of speaking

being truthful

of self

where we have wounding

i believe that follows us astrologically thats where divine timing comes in

but using the energy we have to drive us

i say sexual because its creative

it multiplies, expands things, when we repress our physical vessel from expanding we repress

but when we dont have uncondtional love integrated we expand unintentionally

we need to be connected to our hearts for us to safely evolve physically and psychologically

what are we multiplying??

what energy are we multiplying??

being conscious of that

and putting intention into where we place our energy

to where we wanna go, free of trauma

the dream

the dream can be skewed

the dream can tell us things we dont want

due to trauma

it can say we arent worthy of what we want

it may not even allow us to imagine what we want

we can be in a mental prison not knowing our true selves

even though the reason we have these desires are due to evolution

its like higher power comes to mind but how was all this created

time, process, evolution right

law of duality

light and dark

balancing of self, balancing the nergies of earth

we’re domesticated ourselves to a point of cages

because we are disconnected from love of self

knowing ourselves

we are in a fast society

and we get caught up

the only thing stopping you is your own mind

from truly feeling fulfilled

because the mind is the permission

permission to dream your hearts desires

its allows you to expand

expand and evolve

the mind

is powerful

we are powerful

our energies are powerful

and without knowing how to correctly use them

can wreak havoc on our lives

especially if these patterns are subconscious - generational

it doesnt mean we aren’t humans who are imperfect, it only means were learning

no one came here knowing what to do

thats where love for me is most important

really is the core

its what brought me here today

love

genuine love where i can see myself in another

love where you forgive

and let go

because resentment never helps

honesty and vulnerability

of self and other

for me its self right now

seeing some sort spell i was under

where i never truly saw myself in my entirety

something i believed was true

what do i equate it to?

because this is my own journey, weird

no one else experienced what i did

and that goes for everyone on this planet

each unique

each life has meaning and story and purpose

why not talk about it?

all of it

even to yourself

in a space of love and non judgement

thats why sometimes we need a practitioner

lol you pay them to be there for you

collateral damage

life

this like distortedly sexualized culture

that defames

berates

opresses and yet feeds sex to expand

creating a pressure cooker in society

its energy harvesting

especially mentally because of our own views

i think thats the point

expanding consciousness

to love

the frequency of unconditional love

light and dark

and if we are unaware of what real true love feels like for us

the overstimulated sexual culture feels like love

and its not

if you cant feel or are disconnected from self

i see my journey a lot clearer now because im not carrying around this weight

of pouring into shit that doesn’t serve me because i didnt know how to pour into myself

and this doesnt feel like mine

this is something i handled

for someone i love

my family

and this is now for me, the strength is for me

the rebuilding of myself

someone who worked damn fucking hard to get to where i am today

i had battles that no one knew

i felt pain that no one else felt

and i fucking made it

im here

and so are you

look at what youve been through

let yourself see the extent of what youve been through

the full depth

and dont fucking care about what people think about you

everybody talks

it was a curse

to me

my family

this scared

fear

of judgement

god is the only answer

because i had no fucking idea what was going on

why i was so misunderstood

why i felt the way i did

it made me strong

strong in love

its just the story of my life

and i can see it clearly now

why it happened the way it did

and life will now continue to show me why for the rest of my years

i know a good person when i see one

nows the next chapter of the journey

i know im here because of what i feel

this lost girl

is found

and now a woman

i fucking made it

makes me cry

she was running and chasing her whole life for something she had all along

but she had to be broke

and its now the past

a new story begins

deep limerence of ideals i had subconsciously created through my life

turned twisted in adulthood to morph my mental picture enough to where i can see clearly again

selling my soul for the dream

addiciton

to what??

what i thought love was

and turning it into something sick and demented

generational trauma is weird

because its dense

its old and morphed and anything thats been inside of us for 3 generations energetically is gunna look a little fucked up when it comes out

especially because i feel in these instances were guided by a higher power through life

through these lessons

we all have guides

one of my spiritual teachers had told me she had never saw so many guides with someone

i never knew, but felt a presense, i spent a lot of time alone as a kid

a lot

many years

my dog, pippa she was blind and i wondered if that had something to do with my inability to see you know like a sign from the universe what i was experiencing

but i think thats also misunderstood about me is that i view life in a very different way

because my life has been weird

looking at my life and what i expereinced

i feel as though ive been put in situations that should never happen, but also some that make all the sense now

and this consciousness of mine i feel is unique because not many people understand me

but i think thats how its supposed to be

like art

and this is where i believe we are guided by a higher power ill call it

and i do believe in light and dark

so its the battle of light and dark etherically

astrologically it brings it down to earth

for humans to evolve

happens within

huge energetics of planetary alignments plus our own energy creating a reaction

it creates chaos and destruction

each experiencing it in a different way because of our own perception

and it was an illusion

a chemical reation maybe

energetic explosion

for me atleast

the healing was real

who i am has never been so clear

and actually fits

because im not running from judgement

i refuse to deny myself of my own history that brought me to this point

because im seeing now that every step you take, creates more awakenings

and for that i experience my experience i had

the trauma i went through

i ignore the stories of others

and i honour myself

i build within myself

its something that was taken from me generationally

of not being sovereign in my own body

and i had no idea

i had no clue

i was being driven by someone elses demon

knowing true love of self

feeling that love

family is so important

knowing true family love

that home feeling

different for everyone

not always blood

what do you do when your family sucks?

you go through balancing

one extreme to another and we start to balance

especially in a family built on secrets lol

you know these things that are being processed are so fucking deep

that feeling of just internal burning through my nervous system and body

and yet it brings me back around to a whole new pattern of myself

the chasing

because we have both

runner and chaser

within

what we run from and run to

it changes

these are our angels and demons

this is our energy

we are in the game of our life

each move having a reaction

being conscious

in playing the game

the way that benefits us

so we can win

our lives back from trauma

for ourselves

for our values

for our visions

connecting with our own energy

so we can see our vision clearly

to move forward with confidence in our ability to get there

knowing our true essense

what we feel like at the soul level

getting in touch with that frequency

because thats abundance

free of judgement

god is pure

god is love

anything that raises anxiety in us

is not love

so stay in your heart